do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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