So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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