I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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