I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
