I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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