If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
