she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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