ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
