So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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