We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
so much tequila, so little girl.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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