I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
