i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
