am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
