we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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