he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
