Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
