Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
