PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
