Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
