Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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