its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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