Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it's great music for shaving your balls
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
