I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
