Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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