i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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