She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
