I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
