I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
