We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
