dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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