some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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