I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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