how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
