my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
