woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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