I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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