Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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