3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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