we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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