I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
