wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
