it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
