I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
