You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
