Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
