i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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