PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
