Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
