I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
don't judge my taste in strippers
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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