they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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