my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
