I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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