dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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